Growth is Optional: The pilot ep of my Blog

About 8 months ago my whole life changed. I moved out of the quaint little shack I had been living in with my boyfriend of 5 years and back into my parents home. I had decided I needed to be on my own to figure out my life. So for the following 3 months I shared a room with a 3 and a half year old sleeping on a hard mattress while I figured out why I had just done what I did and what my next move was.

My first thought was "I'll go to Costa Rica and be a traveler and save turtles and work for my room and board".  I looked into it pretty extensively and was pretty close to buying a ticket until I got wind of a friend looking for places in Somerville who potentially needed another roommate.

This got my mind going, and I immediately jumped in on the opportunity. She found a place that was pretty great. Seven bedrooms, all new kitchen, three baths! But for some reason it just wasn't quite right for me. She and her friend went ahead with it and I decided to continue my hunt. She had lit the fire for me.

I had some friends in Somerville and other areas close by offer me couches to crash on while looking for places. I must have sent out ten thousand emails on craigslist. I met with a few different people-some of the very strange- before I found the perfect place! And then they decided to go with someone else. Sadface! I didn't give up though and I found an even cheaper place with even cooler people only two streets over.

I signed a lease, I sent in rent, I got the keys. This was it. It was happening. For the first time in my life I was moving away from home. Out of New Hampshire, where I had lived for the last 26 years. 26 YEARS! I was excited! I imagined living in a cool hip urbanized area! And I would take a train into Boston, you know, the big CITY! ( I had been watching a LOT of Carrie Diaries and New Girl on Netflix)

After a couple weeks of job hunting I got a job at a sports bar that I didn't love and was constantly comparing it to Harlow's--the one and only other restaurant that I had ever worked at and seriously the best job I've ever had.

So now what? Where's all the fun I thought I was going to fall right into? Where are all the friendly people? Where is all the constant excitement I was in for?

I missed my friends, I missed my family, I missed my home. I missed being able to call someone up at any point and be able to go get coffee or lunch. I missed walking around downtown and knowing 98% of the faces I saw and they knew me. I missed the short drives to a cool lake or pond to dip into. I wanted to work with all of my best friends again. I felt so alone.

What had I done? What was I thinking leaving a place so great? Why would I leave someone who was so good to me? Why does everyone at work think I'm weird and hate NH?  Que tears in the shower...in bed...on the phone, ect.

Needless to say I took a lot of trips to NH with my free time. It felt so good to be back up there when I visited. But when I came back it was the same thing. Doubt, regret, loneliness.

I was on the phone with my best and long-time friend Candra telling her all my problems when she told me that good things aren't going to just happen to me. You actually have to put yourself out there. WHAT??? I knew this was true, but somehow I just expected everything to be easy breezy.

So I realized I couldn't have an apartment in Somerville and live in NH and decided to start making Somerville my home. Instead of spending any free time I had traveling to NH, I signed up for a jewelry and metalsmithing class, I spent time with the handful of friends I had who lived in the area, and even went on a tinder date! (Very strange but was a fun experience).

I'm finally moving forward. I just had to put in the time down here and I'm so glad I did. I still miss and love NH. But so much has happened that it isn't even the same place for me anymore. I forgot that when I left to grow and change, that the place I left would also grow and change. Realizing that my home in NH had changed helped me more forward, even if it is sad. (You may now add Boyz II Men, It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday to your Spotify que)

So there you have it! In a medium-sized nutshell the beginning of my coming of age story... my breaking through the chrysalis story...

Future posts will be about similar life-hurdle, living somewhere new, girl-gettin'-grown (like a girl growing up) stories...And probably some fluffy fun stuff peppered in there.